Day 1: Subject Madeleine is soft and squishy. Limbs and extremities look frail and fragile. Will probably snap under little effort. Must handle with care. Umbilical cord withering away, but still attached. Subject appears to need no constant nutrition, finding adequate sustenance from a short stint at subject's maternal mammary gland.

Day 2: Subject is excreting a dark, sticky matter from its posterior. This product is assumed to be Meconium. An assumption will be adequate at present time for the purpose of this report, due to this researcher's refusal to perform a taste and smell test.

Day 3: Subject has begun consuming and requiring a larger intake of subsistence. Its current diet of Colostrum, a concentrated nutritional lactative product, will soon be replaced by a higher volume dairy product. The Meconium production appears to be ceasing, much to the olfactory delight of the research team. Subject, however, has taken a slight yellow appearance on the epidermis. Subject will undergo a daily exposure of natural ultraviolet rays.

Day 6: Natural UV Therapy had paid off. Tests at the Damansara Specialist Hospital measures subject Madeleine's bilirubin level at 9.8mg/dl, a safe level. Subject has begun to respond to visual and auditory stimulus.

Day 9: Limbs and extremities have gotten firmer. Subject has also demonstrated increased strength, as well as increased suction power, as evident during feedings. However, it must be noted that subject's suction prowess is estimated on the basis of facial convolutions expressed by subject Madeleine's maternal lactation unit (also referred to as Mae).

Day 11: Subject's umbilical cord has dislodge from the main unit. Upon visual inspection, said umbilical matter is dried and withered, displaying a dark brownish-red transluscency similar to the processed combusted porcine aliment usually available during the Lunar new year festival. However, inhalation tests offer no such similarity, producing a pungent and putrid result. The research team has concluded that the unbilical matter is best disposed as biohazard and not safe for consumption, nor as accessorial ornaments.

Day 13: Registered at the National Registrar. Subject Madeleine will now fall under the purview of the Federal Government. However, subject will still be required to report to her parental units for all matters pertaining to cultivation and nurturing.

Day 16: Subject has begun to respond kinesthetically to stimulus. Her oral emissions in times of hunger are registering higher decibel levels oftentimes shattering the concentration of the maternal lactation unit. Otherwise, subject displays a calm, quiet demeanour, befitting of assumption regarding the female of her species. It must be noted that this assumption has oft been faulty with the researcher's own experiences with the female of the species.

This concludes the 16-Day Milestone Report on Subject Madeleine. In the final summary, the subject has shown remarkable growth and positive development. It's parental units, however, though positive in outlook, are showing signs of fatigue and weariness, but that is typical is studies like this.

Labels: development, observations

I love Twitter. If that isn't already apparent enough, here's one more reason.

On 16th May 2009, Baby Madeleine came out into the world. While she was always due on that very day, Doc had told us the day before that Maddie was most likely late. So we went about our Saturday like every other. But our Little Girl had other plans. I was just about done with my haircut when Mae called to say she was bleeding. No pain. No contractions. Just blood. We panicked. I called up our family members and told them. Told them also that I'd update on Twitter, which in turn updated my Facebook:

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ThatJames rushing to hospital now. Slight bleeding. Baby due today, but could be false alarm.
12:21 PM May 16th from mobile web

mahyuni: @thatjames Hope it all goes well :) All the best to you and your family.
May 16, 2009 12:43 from TwitterFox

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ThatJames Doc drew the curtains to inspect Mae. Jesse disappointed cos he wanna see. Kid doesnt realise he could be scarred for life.
12:46 PM May 16th from mobile web

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ThatJames 4cm dilated. It's today. Mae getting prepped. I'm registering. Stress! Jesse doesn't understand why he can't go in. MIL coming to rescue.
12:55 PM May 16th from mobile web

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ThatJames Registration taking forever. I need a shave. Stubble not good on baby girl's skin.
1:02 PM May 16th from mobile web

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ThatJames Waiting now. Nothing's happening. Strangely, Mae is in no pain.
1:21 PM May 16th from mobile web

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ThatJames http://twitpic.com/59qor - Doc giving epidural. Painful injection!
1:34 PM May 16th from TwitPic

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ThatJames Stepmom called. Reminded me to call confinement lady. Lucky! My brain stopped functioning an hour ago.
1:44 PM May 16th from mobile web

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ThatJames Didn't realise baby was arriving cos Mae didn't feel any painful contractions. Just the urge to take a dump. Weird.
1:52 PM May 16th from mobile web

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ThatJames http://twitpic.com/59rrh - That spike was contraction. Mae felt it.
1:57 PM May 16th from TwitPic

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ThatJames Water just broke on its own. Dad said when they told him my mom's water broke. He said, "That's ok, we'll get her another." Haha!
2:01 PM May 16th from mobile web

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ThatJames should be updating until baby born. Facebook limits Twitter updates. If u see nothing, try http://www.twitter.com/thatjames
2:09 PM May 16th from mobile web

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ThatJames From the charts, Doc says Baby very active. I think she can't wait to get out. Probably chanting, "Are we there yet?"
2:13 PM May 16th from mobile web

lord_ashe: @thatjames whoa. You've got my best wishes there. All the best! My wife is following your feed too!
May 16, 2009 14:20 from mobile web

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ThatJames Thanks for the wishes. Will reply later. Not easy doing it from my cheap-ass Nokia. I need an iPhone but spent all my money on baby. Ha.
2:35 PM May 16th from mobile web

ShaolinTiger: @thatjames congrats mister, we want twitpics after birth. Time for a Nokia E71 or a Crackberry.
May 16, 2009 14:02 from web

lord_ashe: @thatjames haha thats what an iphone is for! i was watching the in room tv DuRInG delivery. Memoirs of geisha.
May 16, 2009 14:41 from twibble

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ThatJames Abandoning Mae. Going for lunch. Hungry. Gotta choke down my food before baby arrives!
2:43 PM May 16th from mobile web

kimberlycun: @thatjames have a safe labour to you and mae!!!! more twitpics!
May 16, 2009 16:08 from TweetDeck

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ThatJames Got me a Gillette at the shop downstairs. Now clean shaven enough to greet my baby girl when she arrives.
3:09 PM May 16th from mobile web

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ThatJames Turns out water didn't break. Doc came and burst it by hand. Would have taken a shot if wasn't momentarily dumbfounded. Nasty!
3:36 PM May 16th from mobile web

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ThatJames It's slow. Doc expects it to happen only by 5 or 6pm. Mae's sleeping. I wanna sleep too. Wish I had a portable DVD player.
3:43 PM May 16th from mobile web

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ThatJames CellSafe guy calls me to see how we're getting along. They're the new guys we're banking Baby's stemcells with. Good service so far.
3:49 PM May 16th from mobile web

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ThatJames http://twitpic.com/59wkp - Contractns make Mae pukish. Hence tray.
4:09 PM May 16th from TwitPic

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ThatJames turns puke-catcher! Mae blew chunks of Roti Canai & Dhal into a tray that's way too small. Thank God nurses got here b4 it overflowed.
4:26 PM May 16th from mobile web

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ThatJames 10cm dilated. It's time!
4:43 PM May 16th from mobile web

jasonmumbles: @thatjames Prayers for both mum and baby. Keep us updated, James!
May 16, 2009 16:45 from TwitterFox

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ThatJames http://twitpic.com/59y1i - Push. Rest. Repeat.
4:59 PM May 16th from TwitPic

jasonmumbles: @thatjames Mae looks like she's going to kill you for taking her picture at such time. Heh! Push Mae, push!
May 16, 2009 17:01 from TwitterFox

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ThatJames http://twitpic.com/59yh5 - She's out!
5:13 PM May 16th from TwitPic

jasonmumbles: @thatjames Congratulations! Woohooo!
May 16, 2009 17:22 from TwitterFox


akiraceo: @thatjames Gratz ^^ !!!!!!
May 16, 2009 17:25 from TwitterFox

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ThatJames http://twitpic.com/59ywb - Madeleine Tan. 2.9kg Born 16.5.09 17:05
5:28 PM May 16th from TwitPic

yvonneslyeoh: @thatjames - ah! lots of luv & kisses going her way....Congratulations to ya both!!!
May 16, 2009 17:34 from web


eyerizzz: @thatjames Congratulations! The live minute-by-minute updates were... er... interesting. LOL
May 16, 2009 17:37 from TweetDeck

lord_ashe: @thatjames well congratulations! Welcome to the world. My first twitter birth feed lol.
May 16, 2009 17:43 from twibble


kimberlycun: @thatjames hi madelein! Welcome to the world :)
May 16, 2009 17:46 from twibble


nileshbabu: @thatjames congrats!
May 16, 2009 17:51 from TweetDeck



mottgirl: @thatjames http://twitpic.com/59ywb - Oh man.... she's gorgeous!
May 16, 2009 19:47 from TwitPic

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ThatJames http://twitpic.com/5a1d8 - Thanks for the love! Mommy, baby, fine!
6:51 PM May 16th from TwitPic

melodysong: @thatjames Congratulations to you all! They both look lovely:)
May 16, 2009 18:54 from TwitterBerry


sivinkit: @thatjames A Big congrats!! God's blessings be with your family and esp. mommy and new arrival.
May 16, 2009 19:49 from TweetDeck

ben_israel: @thatjames hey congrats!
May 16, 2009 19:53 from TweetDeck

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ThatJames http://twitpic.com/5a38j - Jesse very thrilled to meet baby sis.
7:52 PM May 16th from TwitPic

meeshly: @thatjames Congrats mate!
May 16, 2009 19:55 from web

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ThatJames is home for a quick shower, a Maggi Mee dinner and to pack some stuff. Staying at the hospital tonite!
8:52 PM May 16th from Twitterrific

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ThatJames is so tired that even the hospital-issue 'hubby bed' looks inviting. Goodnight folks. Thanks for the well wishes!
11:15 PM May 16th from mobile web

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So yeah, our little girl Madeleine was born to a small Twitter audience last Saturday. Her arrival was also duly announced in a blow-by-blow account over at Facebook for our friends and family to follow.

It was quite a ride, and for all you fellas who happened to be on Twitter and Facebook that Saturday, thanks for your support and comments. It was pretty amazing to be able to share the moment with you. Thanks to Twitter, Twitpic and Facebook. Does this make me some kind of New Media Whore?

Oh yeah. Come follow me on Twitter. :)

Labels: announcement, events

It's 2:20pm now. Came in at noon cos Mae had slight bleeding, and turns out that Madeleine is coming out now. As it stands, Mae is 5cm dilated. We're still waiting. And hence this blog entry from my phone. Yeah, it's boring here. Hehheh. If you're interested, I'm updating on Twitter. That's on the right hand sidebar.

The heavy oakwood doors swung open to Launch Complex 13A. Flight Director Mae Khoo steps onto the Mezzanine and pauses as she surveys the command centre, her team looking up from the floor below.

At 38, Mae cuts an imposing, although lately, a somewhat rubenesque figure. To commemorate the momentous day ahead, she wore dark slacks, a crisp white shirt and her signature white vest which her mother had made. Although crudely put together with low quality fabrics, likely a fashion disaster on a lesser female, Mae was a handsome woman who wore everything well.

She took a deep breath and walked to her command post. She switched on the console before her and put on her headset as a million little bulbs lighted up on the control panel.

"Project Madeleine flight controllers, listen up," she spoke sternly over the headpiece, "Susanna, give me a status report and the rest of you, a Go, or No-Go for launch!"

"Project Madeleine is stocked, docked and locked," reported Dr Susanna Huam, the head of Project Diagnostics, over the intercom, "we are Go for launch."

"Guidance?"

"We are Go, Flight" confirmed Guidance Director Vivienne as she flicked her thumb up.

"What's the status over at Backup ?"

"Affirmative!"

"Domestic Maintenance?"

"Yes Maam, we are Go."

"Camera"

"Yes, Maam," came the crisp reply, "Camera is all set for launch!"

"How about you, Support?"

"Yes," replied Fraternal Support Department representative, Jesse Tan. It was his first launch as Head of Support and you could hear the nervous anticipation in his voice. "We are go, Flight," he affirmed forcefully, determined to make the his mark on the team. Mae smiles at the rookie and gave him an appreciative nod.

"Transport?"

"Transport is Go, Flight Director."

"Finance?"

"All accounted for, Flight"

"Over to you, Management," said Flight Director Mae as she prepared to call the launch codes. She flicked some switched as she waited. This was the last confirmation she sought. However, she was met with silence.

"Management?" she repeated. "What the heck's going on down there at Management?"

"We're... um..."

"Speak up, man," snapped Flight over the intercom, "are we Go or No Go?"

"Um..." a voice at the other end trailed, "well, can we... um... we're not... um..."

"What is it this time?" Mae barks into the microphone.

Project Management was most crucial for launch, and yet it was run by the most incompetent slob in the team. If ever there was a screw up, Mae could usually track it down to this department. And there had been plenty. Finance was stretched thin, thanks to this guy. Thankfully they managed to pull through at the last minute. There was also a lot of indecision on his part where Transport was concerned. And Support got very little support from this asswipe. Then there was the issue with Camera which almost resulted in Camera's absence from the project. And now this; right at the brink of launch, Project Management was not ready, probably due to something trivial, Mae thought.

"Answer me now, Management," Mae yelled, "don't make me come there and abuse your inner child!"

"I... I... I..." the Head of Project Management replied, his face blue and his hands clutching at his crotch, his knees shaking vigorously, "I gotta pee."

...........................................................

4 days before the big day. Or anytime now, the doctor says. I'm nervous. Can you tell?

Labels: contemplations

Who's this Carmen, and what spell does she hold over my boy? And yeah, pardon the voice if I sound like a wuss. That's my son's spell over me. :P

A little background to what you'll be watching: We're talking to my Jesse about a name for his soon-to-be-born little sister when I decided to mention the name of his kindergarten classmate, the object of his affection.

Labels: conversations, development, names

"I like Madeleine," Jesse proclaimed of his choice for his baby sister's name. Mae and I are not convinced that he could be so sure, so we decide to throw him a few other suggestions.

"How about Madison?" I asked the boy. I actually did like this one. It is a very cool, very comtemporary name, I thought. "That's a silly name," Big Brother said with a chuckle. Mae concurred, shrugging her shoulders. Mother and Boy were right, of course. Most Malaysians are likely to think we named our kid Medicine - and no kid's name should ever be associated with sickness and suffering. There was also that little issue of how it would sound with our surname. Unfortunately, Madison Tan would sound like "Maddie Lays an Egg" in Mandarin. *sigh* And so this one was out.

"How about Elena?" Mommy asked. As a kid, she had always wished that someone had named her Elena. Of course, she probably also wished that someday a prince on a white horse would sweep her off her feet. And look where that got her. Nope, I didn't like Elena. Neither did Jesse.

After that, we were just throwing names just to see if he'd change his mind about Madeleine. "How about Augusta?" I offered. It was just a name from a list starting with A that I had found online. "That sounds like Octopus," the kid countered. And he just went on and on with his smart-alecky answers for every name we threw at him.

"Annette?" I suggested, reading from the list. "Annette is for catching butterflies," my clever little son said. And if my boy can catch a humour in that name, so will poor little Annete's school friends, subjecting her to a life of taunting and teasing.

It was one of our major criteria of rejection. No taunt-worthy names. We've known of too many people with names they parents must have chosen for them when high on drugs. Like poor little Diana Saw, or sad little Harry Kok, or poor little Chow Chee Beng.

So Madeleine it is. Sure, some cruel (but wildly creative) kid in school will probably think of something, but for now, we're happy to be calling her that.

Ah, Madeleine. Sounds like a nice French pastry. :)

Labels: conversations, names

"I know why you're trying to lose weight," the Wife said with a smart-alecky hmph, "Hmph!"

The fact is, I am.

When I hit my 30s, so did my waistline. And the way these things go, it just creeps up on you. One minute you're the kid everyone calls Bones, and the very next minute you're a tub of lard. I went from being a 50kg teenager, to a 60kg college boy, to a 75kg groom to a 91kg hippo during Chinese New Year this year.

For the last couple of years, I had been clocking in at 86kg - 88kgs. Wasn't going up, and I was certainly not getting any thinner. But then came CNY, the big-ass feast in my house, and I found myself at a whopping 91kgs. That's when I decided to shed some serious poundage. (But not before stuffing my face one last time on CNY leftovers, heh!)

Anyway, after weeks of counting calories, I'm now at 84kgs. It's That's 7 kgs down, but I'd really like to be 75kgs, or thereabouts. Or at least 80kgs by next month.

"You wanna be thin for your Baby Girl!" Mae said, as she laughed her ass off.

"Well, why not?" I asked the silly monkey woman. "Baby deserves to have a thin and handsome father."

Mae argues that Baby will never know the difference. But that's not true at all. Some day our little girl will grow up and when she gets her hands on her baby pictures, holding her in his skinny arms will be her thin and handsome Daddy. (Right next to her tubby Mommy, of course) Bwahahaahah!

It's probably time to hit the gym. Or I'll never hear the end of it.

Labels: conversations, health concerns, weight-watching

Trust me on this. There are some things you never, ever wanna hear your pregnant wife say.

Number 3
"Honey, can you bring home my placenta, once I deliver?"

What is the protocol for such a thing? Are they gonna bag it, tag it and let me take it back home with me? Or do I have to bring my own Tupperware?

Number 2
"Would you cook it for me?"

Seriously. Where does one even begin? I'm thinking, this is gonna need copious amounts of peppercorn and probably a whole lot of vinegar. Perhaps we can just take it like that, with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. Do they have anything on this on the Asian Food Channel?

Number 1
"You can eat some too."

Look, I am of the opinion that every woman deserves to be eaten by her man (or woman, I'm not judgemental about anyone's sexual orientation), but this is bordering on good taste and cannibalism. "No no no no no!" I protest. "I'll be good for your receding hairline," Mae hits me where it hurts. But no. I don't care if it turns me into frickin' Brad Pitt, I'm not having any, thank you very much.

...............................

I hear it's an acceptable practice to eat your woman's placenta in some parts of the world, simply because it's good for you, but the whole idea is just plain icky to me. What happens if I develop a taste for it? It'll bring fresh meaning whenever I tell the silly woman, "I love you". It'll be like an episode of True Blood, minus any of the coolness and all the beautiful people in it. And of course there is that small detail of eating a placenta as opposed to drinking blood.

Anyway, as I write this, I have a colleague who has stated in no uncertain terms that she wishes to be invited, when we eat my wife. And we talk about it as though we're discussing livestock. Hahah! This is my wife we're talking about, not some pig, dammit. (I'm fighting really hard not to make some clever remark here, just so that I can live to a ripe old age. Haha!)

So, would you or wouldn't you? State your case in the comments, kiddies!

ADDED: Placenta cooking tips, in case anyone's interested. :P

Labels: conversations, health concerns, ickiness

"Look, Look," Mae calls out to me excitedly pointing at her belly. She had pulled up her shirt to observe our little girl in action, and the little tyke did not disappoint.

Baby was moving about in the belly, her every move visible as she stretched her way around Mae's overtly bulbous belly. Every now and then, she'd even yank at the umbilical cord or something, causing Mommy's now protruded navel to sink back in. It was the weirdest thing! Just like that extra-terrestrial creature right before it popped out of John Hurt's stomach in Alien.

"She's always moving upwards too," Mae complains, "and that always makes me want to puke."

I think she wants to come out through Mommy's mouth. Either that or via the emergency hatch though Mae's belly button. Which explains why she keeps on yanking at the ejection seat lever.

This is gonna be one fiesty little monkey girl. Just the ideal companion for the agile little monkey boy we already have.

Labels: conversations, development

We're in the market for a stroller when we stumbled upon this thing of beauty. The Quinny Zapp is a Dutch-made stroller that works with a car seat. And when Baby grows up some, just say "hey presto" (and pay another 900 bucks or so) and Quinny Zapp magically turns into a stroller for toddlers. Best of all, it folds into a really compact little package!

This is currently going for RM899 at Planeté Enfants, for the structure and the Maxi-Cosi infant car seat. RM899 is pretty pricey, but then again, it is both a stroller as well as a car seat. After all, a good infant car seat is about RM300 - RM400, and a baby stroller is about that much as well, which is the argument I make to Mae. Because I'm totally in awe of it, this wonderous thing of beauty and genius. So much so, you'd think I was getting into it.

And later, we can add another 900 bucks or so, and Baby can get into if until she's 5 or 6. Or we could take the whole lot now for just RM1699, as opposed to its regular price of a little over 2 grand. But damn, even at RM 1699 it IS a lot of money to spend on a kid.

But I want it so badly. And by that, I mean I want it for my Baby so badly. Heh. So badly, that I'm willing to starve my sorry ass for a few months to make this happen. Should I?

Labels: contemplations